So basically I was like, "How do I begin this song parody business? What have I gotten myself into?" Then I realized I should just relax. Write what I know. And what I know is Taylor Swift.
One day maybe I'll detail my ardent love for T-Swift, who is for totes my hero. As it stands, today I will only present you with these lyrics. I'd sing em for you, but, you know, I'm really very bad at that.
"Too Gory"
I was so young and a bit stupid too.
Closing my eyes at the scary parts,
I'm sitting there,
Nervous and cold in conditioned air.
Dim the lights,
The movie starts as they go down.
Sound kicks in, the music is so loud
Can I still go?
Little did I know. . .
That I'd be screaming "no," with my face dripping sweat
as the ax killer ran after Juliet.
I'd have to cover half my face,
begging her, "Please don't go!"
And I said,
No one would take me,
So I came to see this alone.
Now I'm shaking.
This film really isn't fun.
I no longer care just who I might impress,
This movie's too gory,
I've become a hot mess.
I sneak out, I need to breathe and pee too,
I could leave now, not see this thing through.
I close my eyes,
tell myself I'll be alright.
I'm still screaming "no," and it's not getting better
Ax killer's still chasing after Juliet,
This is too much for me,
as I'm begging her, "Please don't go!"
And I said,
No one would take me,
So I came to see this alone.
Now I'm shaking.
This film really isn't fun.
I no longer care just who I might impress,
This movie's too gory,
I've become a hot mess.
Somebody save me,
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.
It's difficult to accept that it's not real,
Hang on, though, seriously, I think I must confess
This movie's too gory,
I've become a hot mess.
I got tired of waiting
after all it was critically renowned.
First legal R film was baiting,
I thought I had to go see it now. . .
But I'll say,
Somebody save me,
I shouldn't have seen this alone
I keep waiting for the freaking end to come.
Is it really so bad? I don't know what to think,
The killer's ax is in the air for its final swing --
I said,
"Run away, Juliet!
Or your head will be alone!
He's gonna murder you
And that's all I really know."
Spoiler alert, the end is something you would never guess,
But the film is too gory
And it left me a hot mess.
Oh, oh, ohhhh. No, no, no.
I was so young and a bit stupid too. . .
So there you have it. The harrowing tale of a 17-year-old seeing her first R-rated movie alone and very nearly wetting herself.
Useless self-important plug: I have some "practice" songs (e.g. not terribly good lyrics I threw together) over here: http://www.helium.com/users/219561/show_articles?channel=24
They're not parodies, but if you can track down "The Pick-Up Song" it's fairly amusing.
Alrighty, well, I'll be back at a later time. Hope you like the song!
*applauds* I like it, looking forward to see more!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the first time I went to watch a horror movie in a real movie theater. You know, in the dark with a huge screen and all that. Granted, I was there with a friend but we both nearly pissed our pants. And we were both 16, oh, the shame. Good times.